Boromir's Day in the Woods
by sibbielee113
Summary: Will Boromir EVER skip through Fangorn again after this? R


Okies… I haven't posted a fanfic here for awhile… so cut me some slack! PLEASE? (puppy dog eyes)

How's this? For your own personal pleasure, it's a lot funnier when you read this story out loud with a fake British accent… especially with the dialogue between Boromir and Denethor… just a hint…

In the words of Python (Monty)- "And now for something completely different."

* * *

Boromir skipped through the woods of Fangorn Forest. Remember that this is before the whole Ring thing happened, otherwise Saruman would've snatched him up and forced him to watch that video, then Boromir wouldn't've been able to fake his death and play that smart guy who came up with the horse from Troy. 

…

Oh well… like it matters…

But Boromir skipped through the woods of Fangorn Forest. Ents were singing, birds were winging… away… and even the water seemed to gargle with delight.

…

A representative from the Water's Rights Activists Party (WRAP) would like to ask how water can gargle with delight when people keep drinking it and freezing it and peeing in it. He also says that WRAP doesn't associate itself with Vanilla Ice.

…

Anyway, Boromir skipped through the woods of Fangorn Forest for the third time that day, sure that someone was going to interrupt him once more. When no one did, he sat down on a log and sighed.

"OH, for the days of being a youngun and being able to skip around like that all day!"

So, he jumped out of Fangorn and landed in his father's throne room. His father Denethor jumped in shock, muttered to himself, "Transportation… it keeps getting faster and faster…", and asked, "Wazzup?"

However, before poor Boromir could say anything, Denethor screamed, "NO! DON'T GROVEL BEFORE ME! I CAN'T STAND IT!"

"Sorry, Father…"

"AND DON'T APOLOGIZE! (A/N: Lostprophets! And Monty Python!) Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry' this and 'forgive me' that and 'I am not worthy'… AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?"

"I'm averting my eyes, Father!"

"Well, cut that out!"

"No, I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Your mast is adrift… I mean, your leaves have flown… I mean…"

"Huh?"

"For goodness sake, your pants have fallen down!"

"Oh, go play with your matches!"

"But I'd much rather… sing…"

"Well, get out your Lostprophets, then!"

Boromir hummed "Burn Burn" by Lostprophets until he was out of his dad's earshot, then ran to his brother Faramir's room. Poor Boromir… even then, his father was a pyromaniac, although not a very adept one by the look of his… moon? But at least he had Faramir to talk to.

Faramir sat cross-legged on the carpet with his eyes closed, listening to the music and burning incense. He had started burning incense to get Denethor to like him, but even when it still didn't work he had gotten so hooked on the scent that he started burning it all the time. Somehow, the incense seemed to affect anyone who would sit in there and smell it all day, but since no one else in the family liked Simon and Garfunkel, would they in their right mind spend hours on end sitting in Faramir's room?

Didn't think so.

"'Ey!" Faramir groggily lifted up a hand. "Come sit over here!" The next second, he had momentarily collapsed and picked himself back up again.

EXTREMELY weirded out, Boromir slowly sat down. One might say Faramir was stoned, but in Middle Earth, being stoned at Minas Tirith would mean that orcs were hurling huge boulders at you. But that's another story.

(A/N: Does that make orcs stoners? Just wondering… xD)

"Faramir… I think I'm growing old… I can't skip in the woods anymore…" Boromir finally got out.

"Oh, that's cool, man… 'ey, if ya don't like Simon 'n Garfunkel I could put on the Beatles…" At this point, Faramir started into a VERY pitchy rendition of "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds".

Anyone who would've stayed in there any longer would later have to be asked if their brains were affected by the fumes in any way. Boromir therefore decided to visit a brother he didn't know he had by the name of Bobimir.

"Like, why, HELLLOOOOOOOO, Borykins!"

Oops. That's SISTER Bobimir.

Boromir fell into Bobimir's arms and started crying, "I'm getting old, I can't skip, nobody's listening (A/N: Linkin Park!), my nail's broken, the birdies ran away, the ents won't let me in their secret club, Daddy's burnt his pants off AGAIN, my family doesn't understand me because EVERYONE is SO insane, I didn't even know I HAD a sister, I just HATE Simon and Garfunkel and the Beatles, my Lostprophets CD broke, my friends keep making fun of my Orlando Bloom posters, my Linkin Park cloth poster has a dark shape on it that looks like Samarra's standing right behind Joe at night, WRAP hates me…"

Bobimir yawned and looked at the time. She didn't sign up at the fangirl's stalker convention to pose as Boromir's sister just to get this long rant. "I KNEW I should've stuck with Legolas!" she muttered.

It was going to be a looooooong day at the Citadel.

* * *

Would like to point out if one of my friends are reading that in that last rant there are a LOT of hint hints… (cough)LOSTPROPHETS-CD-ORLANDO-BLOOM-POSTERS-LINKIN-PARK-CLOTH-POSTER-SAMARRA-LEGOLAS-BETTER-THAN-BOROMIR(cough) 

Whew, that was a long cough! o.o Okies, so review, and if I feel like being REALLY MEAN, I'll post a second chapter.


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